So, if you’ve read anything on my page, you must’ve seen my series, things I like. I enjoy writing those, and I feel like it actually helped me. So, I want to start writing several ‘Things I…’ Series, whatever comes to mind really. Things I hate, things I’m scared of etc.
And even if no one reads these, I hope that this will somehow help me heal and be more comfortable with myself.
It’s somehing that I’d really recommend for people to do, mainly because it’s shown me what I should be happy about, what I shouldn’t be ashamed of and what I can change and how I can heal. It’s a healthy way to get to know yourself.
The cold is numbing. I like the numbing pain that the cold brings, it numbs my soul the way it numbs my toes. It makes me feel nothing and I like it.
Feeling nothing for a while isn’t a bad thing, just temporarily though. Feeling nothing means you have time to rest from everything around you and think about what you’d like to feel instead of feeling things that people tell you to feel.
It’s a bit hot in England right now. Especially where I live, it’s making me sit in just sweat and it’s not pleasant. I’ve always preferred the cold to the heat. A lot of people disagree, but it’s just so much more satisfying when you’re cold and you warm up than when you’re hot and waiting to not be sticky anymore.
When you’re hot, you’re just hot and you can’t do much about it unless you have a fan or air conditioning. However, when you’re cold you can hope under your covers or add a few more layers. It’s just a lot more convenient.
The cold is my warmth. Ironically.
Silence vs. Sound. Which one do I exactly like? I like both, in different circumstances. It’s not absolute, I don’t love one of them and hate the other. I like both, I appreciate both.
Everything in life is balanced between their opposites. You must learn to like and appreciate the both. Just like silence and sound. It takes us a while to adjust, but I guess I like a bit of both. I enjoy the silence because it lets my mind breathe, and gives me myself to talk to, a bit of bonding with yourself is essential, to me at least. However, I enjoy the fun and rowdiness of noise. It makes it seem like I’m not alone, I enjoy being with my friends and the laughter it creates. If I truly have any friends.
Balancing between the both for me, is essential since too much of one is intoxicating and doesn’t really do me a favour. Sometimes I need less of one than the other, and that’s perfectly fine because that’s just what I need for that particular day. Not a 50/50 balance, maybe a 20/80 split is just enough to make me happy.
So, recently I’ve been feeling down, and to try and counteract that I’ve been thinking about things that make me happy. I thought that if I wrote down things that made me happy, it’d make me, well… happier. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit, to see the light amidst everything bad. Trying to give myself hope that maybe one day things will get better.
Things never go the way I want them to, and I’m very emotional. My emotions are like the ocean, any movement and it can cause a wave. Even if I don’t like to admit it, it’s true. I’m very fragile.
It’s more about the little things really, more than the big things. I’d say I’m pretty good at concealing my emotions and acting like I’m okay, but most of the time I’m not. I just want to be with people that genuinely love and care about me.
So, about my feelings and things I like. I decided to start a mini series about things I like and write about them. I think I might do a series of things that make me sad too, to make myself feel more comfortable about me talking about my sadness and what makes me sad because I’ve always felt like it was a bad thing to keep it concealed and hidden, but it’s what I’m used too and I doubt that will ever change. But I’m trying to change, to make myself happier.