i hate u

I see the way you look at me,

your eyes looking at me whilst i stand there bare,

i can’t tell whether it’s disgust or… something else

i would rather it be disgust, I tell myself,

because at least i know,

i become a little more conscious of the way you look at me,

i hate myself,

when i start to feel okay with myself, comfortable, accepting

do you hate me too?

are you grateful that you’re not like this?

–  i can’t help but wonder, H.E

Christchurch

I have been contemplating writing about this, but I am too sad to not write about it. I am so sorry to the Muslims that do not feel safe after this attack, I am so sorry that there was bloodshed, I am so sorry for all the losses. Genuinely, my heart goes out to everyone who is grieving and in fear.

I am not religious myself, but I have respect for whatever faith anyone chooses to follow, and I believe that everyone no matter where in the world should have a safe space to practice their beliefs.

50 have died and 40+ injured as I write this, and we don’t know whether or not the numbers will rise. This attack in New Zealand has actually upset me so much, the thought that some of my friends could have been murdered because of their faith is a saddening thought. I’ve seen so many posts about the victims, and how their life so suddenly ended because of ignorant and foolish white supremacist that felt they had the right to do so.

I am sick to the stomach to see that there have been such ignorant media coverage and I have no other words to say apart from I am completely and utterly speechless. Everything about Senator Anning’s statement on the attack was completely and 100% horrendous: blaming the attack on the Muslims who have immigrated to New Zealand (some immigrated to lead a better life, and to be safe from the countries they fled from), saying that Muslims were usually the perpetrators who killed in the name of their faith and they should not be blameless in this situation, and that Islam was a violent religion, calling them savages and killers.

On top of that, the Daily Mirror came out with an article “Angelic boy who grew into an evil far-right mass killer”, there is so much that I could say about this, especially giving him the title “Angelic boy” is disgusting. Stop white-washing and attempting to humanise him!! Terrorists in general are inhumane.

edit: daily mail has published saying the murderer was a “badly picked on as a child because he was ‘chubby'” yet again more evidence that they are trying to justify his sick actions, and trying to humanise his monstrous behaviour.

I am so grateful that New Zealand has vowed to change the gun laws and ban semi-auto rifles in their country in an attempt to make the citizens feel more at ease, and the people who have come to offer their support and the people who have spoken up about the problems. I urge you not to share anything about the perpetrator who decided upon themselves to carry this horrific act, but instead to send love to all the victims, and let their story be heard. We do not want the perpetrator to become famous, to become a “legend” amongst other people who have the same beliefs as him.

I am so upset about this issue, and even though I am not a Muslim, I still cry for you. I have been reading stories about the victims that were killed, and they have brought me close to tears, because of how devastating this situation is.

Again, I’m sorry for all the lives lost, and all the lives affected.

–  H.E